Carers – It is ok to moan and complain……sometimes

Matthew MckenzieSometimes it is known that carers tend to complaining and making a fuss. We fuss about who we care for and then an argument starts when things are not done right or there is a disagreement. We make a fuss at the health service when we feel that our loved ones are not getting the best service. Carers can sometimes make demands for information when they feel they are kept in the dark. As a carer, I have been down this very road several times. Can you relate? If you are a carer then you may understand.

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It can be quite isolating sometimes, when you are on your own its like you drift back to see all the efforts you have tried to do in your caring role. You replay the mistakes you have made again and again, just wondering if you could have done something different and how things would have turned out. Maybe the medication you are helping with seems not to work as well and has caused side affects. Perhaps after a long day, you slowly begin to unwind and then you are called again to carry out another caring task. Maybe whoever you are looking after tends to berate you and state you are worthless or are causing more problems than you are trying to fix.

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Have you ever been the only person in a large family having to be there for someone and care for them because the other family members don’t want to get involved? I am have heard so many stories of carers being told to get on with it. However someone has to care for a relative at some point, someone has to be there for their loved one, after all what is a family for? What is the point of a community? Should we not be there for each other? Or is it every man for himself.


Making lots of money as a carer? Nope? well I understand, I am sure around 6 million carers in the UK are almost struggling to make ends meet. Training or educating yourself for a new skill? well there is no time is there, since you are so busy caring. What do you think society out there feels about carers? Get a job? carers are lazy? Well depending on the suffering of a loved one, perhaps some people might stop to think that caring can be a full time job.

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As a carer you might feel ignored, isolated, tired and worn out, depressed over the situation, which might spiral out of control any moment. As a carer you may wish for everything to be back as it was. You might wonder when the suffering would be over. Perhaps you can only hope you have enough strength to pull yourself through. Yet, there are times when you just cannot find the strength to even smile. Who says you have to always look on the bright side all the time?


I am not suggesting that for one moment you should shout and complain at whoever you are looking after, most carers are still trying to work out the best way to provide care. We are only human and its best to be diplomatic about our roles and who we care for.

I am not suggesting we should depress ourselves over our situation, being there for someone shows you have the strength to help others through, even though they may not see it at the time. Just think for a moment about what would happen if you was not there.

I am not suggesting carers should blame the health service for everything, since it would not take long to find out that the health service over in the UK is struggling as it is, yes I do admit there are things that can be done better, but for them to provide a service with ever increasing cuts makes carers even more valuable, because beds are in short supply.

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Sometimes you will feel that you have to just walk out of the house for a bit when things overwhelm you. Sometimes you may feel that you wish to scream in order to release the tension. Us carers have to be realistic as well, there is only so much a carer can do.

So you know what? Its ok to complain, caring is not always all smiles and hearts. Its the person you do not see at a carers group because they are too busy caring. Its the person who does not want to be labelled carer because they feel its their role as a family member. Its the person fearful not only of their loved ones future, but their own.

Sometime’s its just ok to complain and moan.