Thanks for dropping by to read another of my blog posts, these posts are usually on mental health from a carer’s perspective. I am currently caring for a close relative suffering from mental ill health, so I have set up this blog as a form of expression, updates and support for myself and others.
Well ok lets get to this, I have been hearing lots of stories, news and thoughts on the new Samaritans RADAR app, for those who do not know. Let me briefly explain what the Samaritans do.
Welcome to another one of my carers blog posts. My name is Matthew Mckenzie and I am a carer for someone suffering mental health difficulties. I feel its important for carers to speak out more, so that way we won’t risk being alienated, isolated and disregarded. We carers and families give so much to society, but as yet we still plod along trying to cope with caring.
One thing I noticed about being a carer for so many years is the problem of being thrown into providing care without any idea what I am doing. I questioned myself on the following over the years.
– Am I providing care correctly?
– Wondering if I am sure if things go downhill it was partly my fault
– What is my caree thinking about how I am trying to support them?
– How am I looking after my own care needs?
– What support should I be getting?
– What happens if I get stressed in trying to talk to my caree?
– How should I react if my caree gets upset with me?
I feel that if you are a carer reading this, then all these questions must have come across your mind at some point in your journey. I am not stating that caring is the toughest job in the world, but at times a carer can be out on a limb, a carer can sometimes end up relying on guess work. This is not often the best situation to be in and I feel more support should be offered to carers in understanding their role and providing adequate care without neglecting themselves.
Well over the years I have learnt quite a few things from carers support groups that I have attended in the past and that I still do attend, one of the things I had learnt at these groups were courses that can help carers.
Some of the information about courses carers can attend came from the group leader, sometimes other carers passed on such information via word of mouth. Eventually I plucked up the courage and decided to enroll on a day course on understanding mental health from a carers perspective. I never looked back and the course had helped me immensely.
Embed from Getty ImagesFast forward to 3 years in the present and I found myself attending more courses regarding carers of those suffering mental health issues or those with lived experiences. These courses ranged from a couple of hours to evening classes spanning 2 months. Maybe one day I ll blog about how I found how helpful those courses were.
Eventually I found out about recovery colleges, at first I thought such colleges were only for those suffering mental health problems. I checked out the course list from the “Central and North West London” recovery college site and found out some of the courses were useful for carers, but the problem was that I was not from that area, so I felt a little disheartened, however if you do use Central and North West London services then please check out their recovery college site at http://www.cnwl.nhs.uk/recovery-college/
So then since I am over in South London, what could I do to educate myself and help in my own recovery as a carer? Eventually I found out from “South London and Maudsley” that they have their own recovery college. It was not long before I was browsing through their prospectus which can be found here http://www.slamrecoverycollege.co.uk/courses.html
I eventually found several courses that was interesting for my field, but one course stood out more for me than the other courses off that prospectus. This course was called “Carers Communicating for Change”. The workshop states the following.
“This workshop focuses on the importance of communication within the caring role.
Sharing experiences and increased knowledge of mental health issues can help to reduce anxiety for both the carer and person experiencing mental health difficulties.”
Without a moments notice, I booked myself for this course and you know what was even better? This course was free. I could not believe it! Although quite a few courses are free for carers and some of them might not be free, but its usually good to start with the courses that are free; mainly because I feel carers struggle with finances almost every day.
On the 14th of July 2014, I managed to attend the course, although I arrived a little late due to a train cancellation. The course was held over at the Maudsley Learning Centre, which is a lovely building centered on health and wellbeing events, courses, seminars and community get togethers. You can check out the Maudsley Learning site here http://www.maudsleylearning.com/
Continuing about my experiences on the course, I arrived to hear the course leader talking about how carers need to watch out for the pitfalls when they are communicating with others, especially with who their care for that being the “caree”. I then thought to myself “Hey! this sounds right up my street”, and I began to sat down and listen.
The course co-lecturer was showing slides of different animals off the screen. Each animal resembled different characteristics of communicative behavior.
I remember some of them animals shown as :-
Ostrich
Rhinoceros
Kangeroo
Dolphin
I am sure there were a few more animals, but those are the ones that stuck in my mind, but why animals? Well for a start we can easily recognize animal behavior and if I go through those I have mentioned, you can slightly understand how useful the examples were
Ostrich – Tends to bury themselves in the sand ignoring caring issues
Rhinoceros – Does not negotiate and always takes “charge” with directing questions, causes others to fear them.
Kangaroo – Protects the caree and does not allow self recovery or motivation
Dolphin – The perfect balance, supportive and understanding.
I will not go on too much about the course because I might end up spoiling it for others who may attend the course some day, however one of the key benefits of this course is that it allowed carers to speak about their experiences. The good point of this is that I learnt from other carers experiences and there were several times where I spoke about my own caring experiences. This is where I felt that I could relate to other carers, where I do not feel isolated every so often in the community or in society.
Embed from Getty ImagesAnother thing I liked about the course where the exercises where we could experience the difference between directed questions and open questions. I still need to work on how to ask open questions, but they are very important in communication skills. I felt the 2 hour course was a great asset for my caring role and hope they continue to run such a course for the next semester.
Recovery colleges seem to be starting up around many mental health trusts, so if you are a service user, carer or even staff member, it is worth checking out such colleges. My reasons for attending these colleges are :-
– They can aide in recovery as a tool
– You can learn about the course and also learn about yourself
– They are a great networking opportunity
– They are usually free
– Courses are geared to your situation
I am sure there are a lot more things I have missed out off this list, but you get the picture. I hope to attend more courses soon even if they are not held at recovery colleges, perhaps I ll feedback on my blog how those courses turned out.
Hello again everyone and thank you for stopping by to check out my blog on caring and mental health. As a reminder this blog is mostly about carers who care for those suffering mental health problems. There are still many parts of the site that is under development and when I am not often blogging, I am bound to be out and about trying to raise awareness or engaging with those interested in the carers world or mental health.
My background is that I am a carer for my mother and have been a carer for around 13 years or more. Sometimes my mother is well enough to look after herself, but unfortunately there are times when I have to step in, especially when I am not requested to do so, its practically like a leap of faith how things will turn out.
When things go wrong within my caring role, that’s when I figure on working out who to turn to or where I can get any support. As a carer you cannot just go anywhere to look for support. You would have to find someone or something specific.
Embed from Getty ImagesUsually a carers centre is a good idea to get any support, usually most London boroughs have a carers centre. I am over in Lewisham, so my carers centre would be Carers Lewisham, for others in South London it could be Southwark Carers , or Carers’ Hub Lambeth or even Mind in Croydon.
Why go to a Carers Centre?
There are several reasons, but the first would be getting advice and information, which I would rank very high for carers like myself. The next being emotional support and a chance to meet other carers, although carer centres offer a lot more than I have mentioned. You can always look one up and check out what they provide.
There are many other carers centre’s and they all offer carers just the thing they need in order to cope as a carer, get information and just a place to hang out.
I have popped over to Southwark Carers, Mind in Croydon and plan to check out the Lambeth Carers hub forum next week, which is on Thursday the 10th of July.
So ok, one of the things I like to do at a carers centre is speaking to other carers, but why? Well again there are several reasons and to make a long story far shorter, I ll list them out below.
– Learning from other carers
– Speaking to carers who come from similar environments
– Feeling I belong somewhere
– Answering their questions
– Having someone to listen to me
– Being another carer who listens to carers stories
– Having some confidential space
Let me just elaborate on a few of these reasons, just to give some people an idea of why such activities are so important for me as a mental health carer.
– Learning from other carers
When I first found out I was taking the first steps of my 1000 step journey as a carer, I just did not have much of a clue of what I was doing. Yes, I was given advice, but at that time I could not digest such information, I was suffering and I felt so distant from people.
Eventually I decided to go down to my local carers centre after phoning them up. The carers centre staff was so understanding and I just needed someone to talk to.
After a while I felt more at ease in talking at the carers centre, but it soon dawned upon me that other carers had been through the same journey, they were listening to my story and offering some comfort and advice. To be honest, these carers were almost putting up signposts on my Journey along road, which I could follow.
I never did set out to learn from other carers, but this is something that sunk in each time I spent the time with those who have shared my journey.
– Speaking to carers who come from similar environments
Speaking to carers is fine, but remember there are many different types of carers out there and one day I hope to do a blog post about such carer roles, but lets say you are a carer caring for someone who has dementia, or you are a young carer, or a mental health carer? What then?
You may want to learn even more by speaking to carers who are caring in your field. Usually carer centre’s have drop in groups for carers of different fields. I always advise you check them out when you can, as a carer you can learn even more from such specialist groups. You just get that extra relation factor, if you know what I mean.
– Feeling I belong somewhere
There are times when a carers journey is lonely, be it at home, the workplace, heck! even in society. Carers can be ISOLATED. I am not lying, caring is something almost done for free, because we carers cannot bear to see our loved ones suffer, but so many expect us to do this for nothing and yet it benefits society. We all want caring communities right?
Embed from Getty ImagesOk! ok! enough of the rant, again I sometimes drop off to carers groups or carers centre’s. This is because I may feel that I cannot get out and speak to someone about my problems. Even once a month is good, never feel you have to cope on your own as a carer. It is so easy for carers to suffer from stigma, that being carers feeling embarrassed by caring for someone suffering from devastating illnesses.
– Answering their questions
After spending some time on my journey as a carer, I began to get just a bit more confident about my role. I knew the road was straightening out. I could see the signs and signals, I could read the directions. Then on my path I met other carers, they shared their story with me and I listened to them. I felt I could almost relate to them and understand fellow carers.
It was not long before carers kept asking me “What do I do?”. At first I was silent, because I did not want to give bad advice, but eventually I told them what I would do if I was in their position. Of course its always better for a carer to seek professional advice, but then sometimes a carer will ask another carer for information, perhaps its human nature.
We all want reassurance, we all seek others on the same path as we are and who could give us advice, hints or tips.
I hope I am answering some questions with this blog, I just hope this blog is a map for other carers who find themselves on a similar journey. All I ask for such carers is whatever you have learnt, feel free to share with other new carers, but do not judge them. We are all on a unique path for our Journey.
– Having someone to listen to me
As a carer for so many years, there are times when I just want to let it all out. The frustration, the anger and fear. The Regret, worry and concerns. Its bad, so bad to keep it all inside. I just want someone to listen to me. I am sure if you are a carer reading this, do you not feel the same at times?
There are times when people speak to me and I cannot get a word in, other people know it all and perhaps they do know it all, but what about the problems that can never be solved? What if your world is falling apart? Time is drifting away from our loved ones and us carers have got to let our emotions out somehow.
The good news is at carers centre’s they usually have counselling sessions, please take advantage of them.
I used to have counselling for myself and some of it worked, it might not be for everyone though, but to have someone listen to you without judging can do you a world of good.
– Being another carer who listens to carers stories
I talk and write nearly all the time, sometimes I feel as if its therapy where I let my own emotions mark the page and also share the wisdom from my mind.
However there are other ways to heal and one of the best ways is just being there. As the saying goes “If you cant with the one you love, then love the one your with”, was that not a verse from a song?
Embed from Getty ImagesI guess you know what I am getting at, there are times when you are healing another carer just by acknowledging them, by listening to their story. I have been on carer groups run by a mental health trust being “South London & Maudsley“, at times their carer groups offer an excellent session of healing. We listen to other carers and acknowledge them, as we learn from other carers, we learn about ourselves.
– Having some confidential space
There are times where you want to get away from caring. You ARE you!!
Its not like you were born as a carer, even though you may have taken on such a role.
We all need some space and to care almost 24 hours without having such a space is asking for disaster. The time to get such space can be again at a carers center like the ones I have mentioned before around South London, or perhaps one in your own borough.
I have even heard of carers even forming their own groups (peer support) and sometimes a carer may just want to go out by themselves to reflect and think things through.
Having confidential space should be a refuge of healing, a sanctuary that us carers can call our own. In order to help our loved ones, we should also do ourselves a favour and rest and heal ourselves with our own confidential space.
I am not saying this will be easy, sometimes it depends on how bad things are for your loved one, maybe you cannot bear to leave them alone for some time, but its vital for you to at least think about your own confidential space.
* Carers Groups
I have mentioned carer groups a number of times and there are so many activities that can happen at such carers groups. Carers groups can offer the following ways to connect to other carers.
– A place to relate to other carers.
– Information on services and updates.
– Learning from other carers.
– Sometimes you can have speakers come along and do a talk about a subject.
– A place to eat and relax.
– Update other carers on what you are doing.
– Raise concerns when its an acceptable time to do so.
There is so much more such carers groups can offer, I am sure some have skipped my mind, but if you as a carer do not belong to such a group, again check out your carers centre or maybe your mental health trust provides one in your area.
* Reading Carers stories
Have you checked out Carers Trust? Or Carers UK? They have blogs and stories from many carers. You do not have to be physically present to connect to other carers. Sometimes I have read blogs from Mind or Rethink Mental Illness. You can learn so much from carers stories or those similar from your loved ones illness.
* Connecting with other Carers at Events
There are many events that I have been to and although most of these are mental health events, you will get the odd carer event every now and then. Luckily South London & Maudsley have a carer event coming up for mental health carers in South London. This being the carers “Listening event”, which takes place on the 18th of September 2014 over at Prospero House. However why go to such events? The simple reason is it offers another opportunity to connect to other carers.
Some events can last all day, while some last perhaps around an hour or two. These events are usually tailored to the type of carer who attends them. If such events are successful, then its possible to form a network of carers supporting each other and engaging with the health services. Carer events are the place to be seen for carers and you can learn so much being at such events. Do not be put off by being surrounded by health professionals since they are their to learn from you as well, which is probably why the event taking place in September is called the “carers listening event”.
If your in the North, East or West of London, UK or in a different part of the world, try and attend a carers event to get yourself educated and connected.
* Connecting to Carers Online
I guess we have arrived at my favorite part of connecting to carers. We all come from different backgrounds and my background is Information Technology, notice the word “Information”? I like sharing my skills, knowledge and tips as information via technology. Its free or fairly cheap, its quick to access and you can have a global reach. Reading my blog? well that is because your online. Notice my twitter channel? well that’s because you are connected.
Connecting to other carers online need not be difficult, a quick Google search can bring up a wealth of opportunities, but be aware not everything is true online and its always good to seek professional advice, however the power of being online is the range of CHOICE that it brings.
* Celebrating with Carers
Sometimes we do it to ourselves, we sit back and fall into caring. Us carers just place ourselves last, its in our characteristics, have you met someone who calls himself a carer place themselves first before anyone else? Well ok, perhaps you have, but I am sure more carers just sit in the shadows doing what we do best without making a complaint, or making a statement or even engaging.
Embed from Getty ImagesUs carers need to connect to other carers, we need to celebrate who we are and make a stand not only for ourselves, but for other carers. My comrade in arms Bridget Jones and myself have just been nominated for carer of the year 2014 from the Royal College of Psychiatrists.
We may or may not go far, but for sure I am honoured and proud to have such recognition and I am not going to the ceremony looking to win, but going there to celebrate. This celebration is in order to connect with carers and mental health professionals.
Us carers need to stand out from the shadows to form a network and be counted, we sometimes just fail ourselves and plod along caring hoping someone will notice our efforts, but its not always like that. Its time to connect and the time is now.
As a carer there have been many times when everything just seems to go wrong. You loose faith not only in yourself, but in everything around you. I remember when trying to care for someone, it felt that everything I used to do was just thrown back in my face, even though I knew I was trying my best, but just when something was just beginning to settle, something else would go wrong, then something else and another and eventually I would withdraw into a dark place.
But what happens if I withdraw to a dark place for too long? What happens if all carers did this?
Well I can tell you, it is possible that you could loose your mind, you could end up being depressed, angry or even worse. It is so important to realise when you are entering such a period. Carers who care under difficult circumstances can be very fragile, even when they do not show this. One day a carer may hide their
pain with a series of smiles and laughter, but when alone all that is left is perhaps fear, pain or worry. So what can you do when your world begins to collapse on you and your faith is beginning to fail?
I have listed some steps that may or may not help your situation, I cannot say that they will solve your problems, but they will at least be a light on the road of a carers journey.
1. Every bad situation in life is temporary.
Whatever you are going through, nothing in life is permanent, even though the good things in life must move on, so is it the same for the bad things as well. As with the saying “Happiness succeeds sadness succeeds happiness”.
The horrible bad luck or failing care you are experiencing will move on, you just have to hang in there and realize this. You are so close to the day when things will settle and the storm will pass, but remember that storm will come again and surviving the current storm will give you the mental and emotional toughness to survive.
2. Worrying, moaning and complaining will not change anything.
Embed from Getty ImagesTo be honest, this is the hardest thing for a carer to do. Secretly inside, I probably moan and groan about my situation as a carer, I won’t lie. Why should I?
The truth is my moaning will not change what has happened. I think it is fair to say when can get upset for a bit, its human nature, but to continue to moan and worry will just send you into a cycle and the worse the cycle gets, the more you risk your own mental health. Pause for a moment when you feel a complaint coming on, think to yourself “Is this going to change my situation?”. Obviously it wont.
3. The best thing you can do is to keep going.
Embed from Getty ImagesWhile providing care and things seem to fall apart, it is ok to take a step back a bit and rest to get your energy back, but once you have recovered, you should try and keep going, not just for whoever you are providing the care for, but also keep moving for yourself. Avoid giving up, you must fight for yourself and
who you care for. They mean so much to you and you are fulfilling your role. There is a reason you are caring and if something goes wrong, it is a test of your faith.
4. You can’t change things that have happened to you but you can choose the way you feel about them.
Embed from Getty ImagesEven though the statement is a long one, it makes sense. We are thinking animals, we think about everything.
We think about how people feel about us, we think about the past and future, heck we think about thinking. So what happens if you constantly think about the bad things that has happened? Nothing much, you may end up putting something into perspective, but there will come a time when you have to change your outlook, you have to combat your worry or fear, but thinking alone will not change this. You have a choice, you need to look at the choice which will give you the positive outlook.
5. Stay in the present moment and live life fully.
Embed from Getty ImagesWhen we are hit by bad luck or misfortune from all sides, its so easy to keep looking back at that episode to the point where you are almost living in the past. Sometimes something traumatic cannot be easily avoided, but it goes without saying that if you can use a word or thought to take you to the present, then
you can heal a lot more quickly, you will not become what is some form of ‘ghost’. Your memories will not haunt you and you can leave in the present and look to change things. The present is where the power is, you need to learn to use it.
6. Reassure Yourself or check yourself
Embed from Getty ImagesWhen you are hit with worse situations and everything seems to fall apart, then stop and look at yourself, pause for thought and reassure yourself. Check that you are here and notice that this is just a setback, you will succeed one day and to do this you need to check yourself for negativity and combat the habit.
7. Talk to someone
Embed from Getty ImagesThis is one of the easiest things to do and this is when you know how important friends or families are. Do not feel you have to cope with things by yourself, we are never alone, it just depends who is there for us to reach out to. If no one is close to us, then the Samaritans (UK) are just a phone call away and carers can
also make use of carer’s groups or carer centres within their borough. Make sure whoever you talk to is something that you can trust with your fears.
8. Get the right people to help you.
Embed from Getty ImagesBe it professionals or support, you need someone specialized who can assist you with what to do when problems begin to happen when you are providing carer. You need to recognise who they are, especially if you are caring for someone who is suffering mental health difficulties. This might be a carers lead, or your caree’s care co-ordinator, you may wish to speak to a mental health advocate or speak to someone at a carers center.
The point is that to make sure you do not have to fight alone. Feel free to check my links page for more information.
9. Do something
Embed from Getty ImagesSomething that is not as easy as it sounds, some things when a carers world falls apart, we tend to just fall back and wait. Us carers can sometimes wait until something else happens and if we are lucky, that something might be good, but usually it could also be worse and thats when we should have done something about our previous situation. Do not put it off till the last moment, do something about it.
Or otherwise “Doing something” could also mean take time out, do something you enjoy, do not just sit there feeling hopeless, get yourself out of the situation if only for a while, but do something to take your mind off what is bothering you.
10. what is there to learn from it?
Embed from Getty ImagesIn life there is a lesson for everything, most times we do not even notice the lesson, but when bad things happen, then its time to do a bit of learning. You know the saying? “We learn little from success, but much from failure?”. Well this is the perfect time to find out what there is to learn. I suspect the lesson may not show itself so easily, but rest assured it is there to learn from.
11. Start off every day with something positive
As soon as you wake up, and i MEAN as soon as you get up from your sleep. Think positively!! You may not believe it, but it will make some difference to your day. It might be like
* That was a nice sleep
* Today looks like my situation will improve
* I am glad to be alive
* I know I am going to make a difference today
….and so on.
You know the reason why you are here today and there are so many reasons, you are there to help those you love, even though someone you try to help may push you away.
I keep coming out with certain sayings, but here is another. “If you cannot be with the one you love, then love the one your with”. Everything has a positive spin on it and as you can see that the idea of being positive is that the person you should love first……..is yourself.
12. Try to do something nice for someone worse off than you are
Embed from Getty ImagesIt might not seem like it at the time, but think of it like this. How are you reading this blog? Is it from a computer? phone? tablet? Then you are one of the lucky ones, you have technology or the resources for reading something that might help you.
There are those out there who are without a such things, they might not even have material possessions or are suffering physical problems, they may lack the basic things like food and so on. Its not best to rate or compare yourself with others, but out there someone could always use your fortune. We won’t all be rich or famous, but we all have our unique talents and there is always someone out there who would be happy to swap places with us. Perhaps do something nice for them.
13. Don’t beat yourself up.
Embed from Getty ImagesNot the most easiest thing to do. In fact, I am going to disagree with myself. I actually feel it is ok to beat yourself up every so often, but do not fall into the trap where you are constantly doing this. Why make yourself your own worst enemy?
It is hard to control misfortune and you need not blame yourself over things that could be quite possibly out of your control. As in the carers world, beating yourself up over providing care to someone whose health is failing cannot possible help in your role. You are not to blame yourself and you deserve to treat yourself better.
14. Don’t over react to trivial happenings.
Embed from Getty ImagesOk, not everything is trivial, but most things are when you stand back and look at the situation. What makes the difference is how we react to trivial happenings and this is what I call the slippery slope. All it takes is for something major to happen and then you will get upset by this and before long everything begins to upset you, which turns you into one negative person.
We must realize what is major and what is so trivial that it should not request all your energy wasting time being upset over it.
15. Laugh It Up
Embed from Getty ImagesThis does work, but how to laugh is not so easy, but once you laugh it can provide you with many health benefits; be them emotional, mental and even physical.
I do not really have to prove that happier people tend to live longer, so try to find a way to laugh about the situation (depending on what it is).
16. Don’t Give Up
Embed from Getty ImagesI probably have mentioned this before, but as a carer it is so important not to give up. You are not only caring for someone, but perhaps fighting their corner and your own as well.
It is ok to rest for a bit, but stay optimistic, stay in the fight, do not give up. If things go wrong, rest for a bit, but do not give up. There is a reason you are doing this role.
17. Focus on One Thing
Embed from Getty ImagesIt is easy to focus on many bad things that have happened on your caring role, but if you do that you will become overwhelmed and risk making yourself ill. One thing at a time is the best way. Start with the simplest and move on to more difficult task, but concentrate on that one thing that might have fallen apart.
18. Focus on your good qualities and give yourself a pat on the back.
We all have them. YES! we ALL have them, what is yours? Are you someone who is there to care no matter what? Are you the person to ask for advice? Have you been caring for a very long time? Maybe you are the only person in the family to still be there to care? Well these are all good qualities and if you are hit with bad luck or failures, then remember your qualities. You are a fighter!!
19. Have faith in yourself.
Embed from Getty ImagesI mentioned how faith is important for carers a while ago. Still you can put your faith in anything, but putting faith in yourself, is one of the most important things a carer or someone can do. Without this then its so hard to do anything let alone surviving bad misfortune. Check out my post on faith.
20. Focus on the solution instead of the problem
Embed from Getty ImagesIts so easy to focus on the problems, maybe we all do this out of habit, perhaps this is human nature, but what would happen if we decided to focus on the solution? Wouldn’t that be amazing? Perhaps write down a list of problems you have been having and next to that list write down the solutions. Just take time to do this and see where things go.
21. See problems as challenges and opportunities.
You are on your journey as a carer and this journey is not a straight road, its a journey where the road bends, twists and turns and sometimes disappears off the path completely. This means the journey as a carer is a challenge. You have your own path to take, your own path to live and no one’s path is the same, but we cannot easily walk someone else’s journey because we are all unique in this world. As a carer this problem is a challenge its up for the test.
22. Say “I can” more often that “I can’t”
This is another human condition. I bet as a carer you probably think this in your mind more often than you know and thats ok, but now that you may realize this, what happens if you can say just for once “I can”. Say it out now, don’t think it. Just say it out. Then say it again…..
Its so easy isn’t it.
So what happens if you say this more often? What happens if you think this more often? Try get into the habit, because it is a very good habit to make
23. Choose positive-thinking friends.
Embed from Getty ImagesWe are what we eat and thus we are who we surround ourselves with. No, you do not need “Yes men!”, you want people to know what you have been through and to raise us up. You want to avoid those that complain about everything and its not so easy when providing care to someone who may do this, but that does not mean you have to desert who you care for, what you want, what you need are friends who at least at some point give you a positive outlook.
24. Read inspiring stories/quotes,
Embed from Getty ImagesThis is something you are doing already and I hope it is having an affect, but why stop at this blog? You might want to check out my pinterest section, which is full of positive quotes and sayings. Reading positive quotes is a sure fire way to get yourself thinking positive about certain situations, even if those situations do not change so quickly.
25. Repeat affirmations that inspire you and motivate you.
I hear this is not so easy to do and might not often work, but there will be a time when this might be all you have left. A carers path can often reach a dead end and you might loose faith in yourself, if there is one thing you can try is to repeat to yourself how important you are to be here right not and carrying out a family duty, a caring duty and being there for your loved one.
26. Learn to master your thoughts.
Embed from Getty ImagesThis is the most hardest of the lot, which is probably why I left this one for last. We as humans have a habit of cycling things through our minds and its so easy to cycle the negative thoughts. We need to change our pattern and its not something I can easily explain in this blog, but I promise if you can master your thoughts then it will make your role a lot easier, especially when things outside your control begin to test you.
A Caring Mind 