Today I had the opportunity to be interviewed for the Specsavers Carers Hub, a platform that shares real stories, advice, and support for those who dedicate their lives to caring. It was a chance to reflect not only on my role as a carer but also on the deeper themes of healing, connection, and creativity that shape my journey.
Telling My Story
As someone with lived experience of caring for my mother and brothers, I know first-hand how demanding and emotional the role of an unpaid carer can be. I shared their story through my words and memories.
Speaking on camera about my caring role reminded me why visibility matters. Carers often go unseen, yet carer voices hold the power to inspire change, raise awareness, and remind others that they are not alone.
The Importance of Self-Healing
One of the most important parts of my journey has been recognising the need for self-care and self-healing. Carers often put the needs of others before their own, but to continue supporting loved ones, we must nurture our own wellbeing. Whether through reflection, community, or creative outlets, finding ways to heal is not selfish.
Connecting with Carers
During the interview, I spoke about the importance of connection. Meeting other carers, whether through groups, campaigns from Carers UK, or online spaces, brings a sense of solidarity. I wont say much about the interview, you will need to watch the video when it is released.
The Power of Poetry and Words
For me, poetry has always been a form of healing. Writing and performing allows me to give shape to emotions that are often hard to express. In the beginning of my caring journey, words were painful, but after a while words can be medicine they can validate, soothe, and inspire both writer and listener.
A Special Thanks to Specsavers
I couldn’t end without mentioning the role my Specsavers glasses played in my journey. Whether it’s writing late into the night, reading the works that inspire me, or standing up to perform poetry, my glasses have been an essential tool.
To check out previous carer stories, please viset the Specsavers Carers Hub below.
The meeting focused on introductions and updates from various organizations supporting unpaid carers across London. Matthew McKenzie facilitated the session, introducing participants from different boroughs and organizations, including
North Central London Carer Support Project (covering Barnet, Haringey, Camden, Enfield, and Islington)
The PSE (supporting South East London local authorities: Bexley, Bromley, Lambeth, Lewisham, Greenwich, and Southwark)
Richmond Borough Mind
Richmond Carers Centre
Kingston Carers Network
St George’s, Epsom and St Helier Hospital Group
Sutton Carers Centre
Carers Hub Lambeth (supporting unpaid carers, with hospital carers leads at King’s College Hospital and Guy’s & St Thomas’ Hospital)
Lewisham carers services (Imargo service manager)
Apologies from
Bromley Wells Bexley Carers Support Greenwich Carers Ealing Carers Partnership Tower Hamlets Carers Centre
NHS England updates including Universal Care Plan Updates
A representative from NHS England highlighted good news about the Hospital Discharge Toolkit, which had been originally developed in London by Debbie Hustings. The toolkit has already been adopted across much of southwest London with strong results. Recently, all NHS regions were asked to contribute work on hospital discharge, focusing particularly on carers’ experiences. When this went up to the Executive Quality Board at the national level, the London toolkit received recognition. The recommendation that came back was that all regions should develop something similar they could adopt London’s version directly or tailor one for their own needs. The representative stressed that this kind of recognition is significant because it helps the toolkit be taken more seriously and provides momentum for further rollout
Caring for a loved one is a role that often goes unseen and undervalued. In this interview, Matthew McKenzie speaks with Elsie, a 73-year-old carer and activist, about her journey as an unpaid carer, the challenges she’s faced, and her mission to support others walking the same path.
Standing Strong for Carers’ Rights
Elsie refuses to be silenced. Though at times labeled as a “persistent, unreasonable complainer,” she sees her persistence as a duty to her loved ones and to other carers. For her, raising concerns is about advocating for better care and systemic improvements.
Her advice to carers is simple but powerful:
Trust your instincts.
Don’t give up until your loved one gets the right care.
Learn about carers’ rights and stay engaged in decisions.
Finding Strength in Words
In a deeply moving moment, Elsie shared a poem she had written for the Book of Remembrance at Honor Oak Crematorium, in memory of her son. Her words reflect not only grief but also strength, love, and the motivation to keep advocating for change.
You’ll always be our hero. Although you’re gone, we’re not apart. Our love for you keeps going, It stays deep within our hearts.
Football, food and fishing Were what it was all about. Blue is the color, Come on, you lions, to shout.
Community is a word we hear often, but its true meaning and significance can sometimes be overlooked. At its core, a community is a network, a web of relationships built on shared identity, common themes, and mutual trust. Communities are formed when people come together, united by a sense of belonging and shared responsibility. This sense of belonging is not just about being part of a group; it’s about feeling valued, having a purpose, and working towards common ideals.
This blog is a transcript of the video below.
Communities exist in many forms. The most immediate and intimate is the family, where the seeds of unpaid caring are often sown.
By Matthew McKenzie – Carer poet and Carer activist
On the 18th of September, West Ealing Library once again became a hub of creativity, reflection, and connection as carers gathered for our second poetry workshop. Guided by carer activist and writer Matthew McKenzie, the session offered not just writing prompts, but a safe and supportive space to explore the healing power of words.
Poetry as Expression and Healing
The morning began with Matthew sharing his personal journey from caring for his mother living with schizophrenia, to writing books on mental health and carer experiences, and now using poetry as a tool for both advocacy and self-expression.
For many carers, life can feel isolating, exhausting, and invisible to wider society. Poetry offered participants a way to give voice to those emotions. As I reminded carers, “Poetry gives shape to what’s hard to say” — even if it’s just a few lines scribbled on paper, those words can carry truth, comfort, and even influence change.
On Friday 12th September 2025, I had the privilege of attending Abilities Development’s Awards Night: Celebrating Unpaid Carers at The Grange in London. The event was a moving and powerful reminder of the sacrifices, love, and resilience shown by unpaid carers across our communities.
The event was hosted by founder Dr Karen May, who spoke passionately about the vision to celebrate and support unpaid carers. The evening also included tributes from fellow carers sharing their lived experiences, moving reflections on the sacrifices and strength carers show daily, and recognition from community leaders.
As many of you know, unpaid carers often go unseen, their daily contributions hidden behind closed doors. Yet they carry the heavy responsibilities of looking after loved ones with compassion and strength, often without formal recognition. This event was different, it put carers at the centre, reminding us all that their efforts matter and deserve to be celebrated.
We were given a tour of the facilities available for unpaid carers and their loved ones to us.
One of the highlights of the evening was the presentation of awards and certificates to unpaid carers. Each recipient was honoured with a Certificate of Honour in Caregiving, recognising their unconditional love, tireless dedication, and the invaluable role they play in supporting their loved ones without financial reward or formal recognition.
The evening, attended by the Mayor of Brent and other distinguished guests, was filled with speeches that spoke to the heart of caregiving, its challenges, its emotional toll, but also its incredible strength. One message that stood out was that carers must not forget their own worth and wellbeing. As was beautifully said on the night: “You are important. Take moments for yourself so you can rejuvenate, be well, and stay healthy.”
I was truly honoured to receive a Certificate of Honour in Caregiving myself. This certificate recognised the unconditional love and tireless dedication of carers who, without pay or recognition, give their heart, time, and energy to provide comfort, dignity, and hope. Holding it in my hands was not just a personal moment of pride, but also a reminder of the countless carers whose work too often goes unnoticed
Events like these are not “just another event.” They are opportunities to create legacies and spaces where carers are not only seen but also valued, uplifted, and supported. They are about passing on the message to future generations that caring is not a burden, but a profound act of humanity.
As someone who has long campaigned for carers’ voices, I want to encourage others to support, promote, and attend events like this. Whether it’s through organisations like Abilities Development, local carer networks, or even small community groups, recognising unpaid carers is vital.
To every unpaid carer reading this: you are a quiet hero. Every sleepless night, every whispered prayer, every act of kindness you show it matters. You matter.
Carers can book to use The Grange by contacting Abilities Development directly. Whether it’s for a quiet space to reflect, joining a carers’ group, or making use of tailored support services, The Grange offers a safe environment built around compassion and community.
The meeting facilitated by Matthew McKenzie began with introductions from participants and updates on various carer support initiatives, including forum mergers and NHS plan changes.
Local council strategies and initiatives were discussed across different boroughs, with particular focus on Lambeth and Southwark’s carer support plans and the development of a carer’s forum in Lewisham. The group explored challenges faced by carers, including access to primary care and the need for better coordination, while discussing recent conferences and upcoming events aimed at supporting and advocating for carers’ rights.
Lewisham Carers Strategy and Service Updates
Lewisham is currently refreshing its Carers Strategy to strengthen support for unpaid carers and improve access to local services. The focus is on ensuring carers are included in decision-making through co-production and collaboration with the council, health providers, and community organisations. A major priority is improving well-being services, providing better information, and ensuring carers know their rights under the Carers Leave Act.
As part of wider NHS reforms, Lewisham is moving towards a neighbourhood-based care model designed to bring services closer to local communities. While this aims to make access more seamless, carers raised concerns about inconsistent GP access, gaps in communication, and challenges navigating between boroughs when supporting loved ones. The forum highlighted the importance of better coordination between primary care, hospital discharge planning, and mental health services to ensure carers are recognised and supported.
Lambeth Carers Strategy Refresh
Lambeth is currently refreshing its Carers Strategy with the aim of improving services, increasing visibility, and ensuring carers have a stronger voice in decision-making. The updated strategy focuses on key priorities such as well-being, access to assessments, respite options, and workforce training for those supporting unpaid carers.
There was a particular focus on improving support for mental health carers in Lambeth. The Carers Hub Lambeth team continues to facilitate peer support groups and collaborates closely with the South London and Maudsley NHS Foundation Trust to ensure carers are recognised as partners in care planning. Initiatives like Triangle of Care are gaining momentum, emphasising better communication between professionals and families while creating pathways for carers to get involved in shaping local mental health services.
Carers Hub Lambeth also celebrated the growing range of community-based activities available for carers and families in Lambeth. Over the summer, there have been several events designed to support young carers, including trips, tours, and group workshops aimed at helping them connect with others and access emotional support. These initiatives are part of Lambeth’s broader goal to make sure younger carers, who are often overlooked, receive the help they need both at home and within education.
One of the key upcoming events for Lambeth carers is the Lambeth Carers Strategy Event taking place on 25th September 2025 at 336 Brixton Road. The session will bring together carers, professionals, and decision-makers to review plans, share ideas, and set priorities for the future. Carers are strongly encouraged to attend to ensure their voices are heard and to take part in shaping the borough’s action plans moving forward.
Southwark Council Carers Support and Strategy Group
Matthew fed back on how Southwark Council continues to strengthen its approach to supporting unpaid carers, with a growing emphasis on improving access to information, assessments, and respite services.
The Unpaid Carers Strategy Refresh is a project running from August 2025 to April 2026, led by Southwark Council in collaboration with Adult Social Care, the NHS, local voluntary groups, and unpaid carers themselves. The plan focuses on improving support for carers by updating evidence on local needs, strengthening engagement with seldom-heard groups, and mapping gaps in current services.
Key priorities include better access to respite care, enhanced referral pathways, stronger partnerships with health services, and improved inclusion of young carers, carers with disabilities, and LGBTQ+ carers. The initial phase, from August to October, involves reviewing existing strategies, mapping current services, gathering insights through focus groups and surveys, and benchmarking against national policies and neighbouring boroughs.
The forum highlighted the importance of co-production, ensuring that carers are actively involved in shaping local strategies and service priorities.
Update on Key Themes from the final NHS England Carers Conference
Matthew highlighted that the 2025 NHS England carers conference placed a strong emphasis on recognising unpaid carers as essential partners in delivering effective healthcare. The NHS stressed its commitment to involving carers in shaping services and policies, ensuring their voices are reflected at every stage of decision-making. There was a clear acknowledgement that without unpaid carers, many health and social care systems would face significant pressure.
You can watch the conference below.
A major focus was on the NHS’s shift towards neighbourhood-based care models designed to bring services closer to communities. Matthew explained that this change aims to improve coordination between GPs, hospitals, and mental health services, but he also highlighted concerns raised about fragmented communication and the risk of carers being left out of local planning. Carers at the conference called for better access to information and more joined-up pathways across boroughs.
The conference also featured interactive workshops and discussion groups focused on co-production, digital innovations, and addressing inequalities among carers. Specific sessions explored improving support for young carers, carers from minority backgrounds, and those supporting loved ones with mental health needs. The event closed with a call to action for stronger collaboration between carers, NHS teams, local authorities, and community organisations. Attendees were encouraged to get involved in upcoming forums and engagement opportunities to help shape future services and ensure carers’ voices are at the heart of decision-making.
Matthew shared updates on national policy developments discussed at the conference, including the Carers Leave Act and commitments to expanding access to respite, assessments, and flexible working rights. There was also a discussion about new digital tools and support platforms designed to make it easier for carers to connect with professionals and access resources. However, many attendees expressed concerns that these initiatives need proper funding and training to work effectively in practice.
The Urgent Need for Digital Skills Among Unpaid Carers
Unpaid carers who provide support to family members, friends, or neighbors with long-term health conditions are the backbone of many communities. Their work is often invisible, yet it is essential for the well-being of countless individuals. As healthcare systems rapidly digitize, the landscape of caregiving is undergoing a profound transformation. Unpaid carers now face the challenge of adapting to new technologies, digital platforms, and online resources that are becoming integral to the delivery of care.
This blog explores why technical and digital skills are no longer just optional for unpaid carers. The blog is also a transcript of matthew’s video below.
Drawing on insights from matthew’s experience as an unpaid carer & IT professional and advocate for carers, we delve into the practical reasons behind this shift, the opportunities and challenges it presents, and the future trends that will shape caregiving in the years to come.
The Changing Face of Caregiving
Digitization in Healthcare
Healthcare is moving online at an unprecedented pace. Electronic health records, telehealth platforms, wearable health devices, and digital prescriptions are becoming the norm. The reasons are clear: digitization streamlines processes, reduces costs, and enables real-time access to critical health data. For unpaid carers, this means that many aspects of their role now require interaction with digital tools.
The Role of Carer Centers
Local carer centers have traditionally been the first point of contact for those seeking support. As these centers will play a crucial role in helping carers acquire the skills needed to navigate the new landscape. Online training, virtual support groups, and digital resource libraries are just some of the ways carer centers are evolving.
Overcoming Barriers to Digital Inclusion
Challenges Faced by Carers
Not all carers are comfortable with digital environments. Some may lack the means to access technology, while others face disabilities that make using digital platforms difficult. For example, visual impairments can pose significant challenges. It’s important for carer centers and support organizations to recognize these barriers and provide alternative solutions where possible.
The NHS 10-Year Plan
Digitization is at the heart of the NHS’s long-term strategy. Unfortunately, unpaid Carers who fail to meet the demand for digital skills may find themselves excluded from essential services and support. Embracing technology is not just about keeping up, it’s about empowering carers to meet the needs of those they support with confidence and efficiency.
Conclusion
The digitization of healthcare is transforming the role of unpaid carers. Technical and digital skills are now essential for accessing resources, coordinating care, and advocating for loved ones. While the transition may be challenging, it offers opportunities for greater efficiency, independence, and empowerment.
If you are an unpaid carer, now is the time to invest in your digital skills. Seek out training, connect with support networks, and take advantage of the tools available. Your role is vital, and with technology on your side, you can continue to make a difference in the lives of those you care for.
Caring for someone with long-term mental illness is a profound act of love and responsibility, just as i cared for my mother, but it is also fraught with emotional complexities, especially within culturally tight-knit communities. The experience of unpaid carers, those who provide care without financial compensation, can be shaped by powerful cultural expectations, traditions, and social pressures. These factors often lead to hidden challenges such as guilt and shame, which can create barriers to seeking help and support.
This blog post which is a transcript of my video explores the intricate dynamics of care guilt and shame, drawing on my insights as facilitator of the National Ethnic Mental Health Care Forum.
While the focus often falls on ethnic minority carers, many of the themes discussed I feel are universal, affecting unpaid carers from all backgrounds. However By examining the cultural ideals, emotional burdens, and systemic challenges faced by carers, we can better understand how to support them and promote positive change in mental health care.
The Role of Culture in Shaping the Carer Experience
Family Duty and Community Honor
In many tight-knit communities, caring for a family member is seen as a moral duty and a source of honor. The expectation is clear: “We look after our own.” This deeply rooted tradition fosters strong family bonds and a sense of belonging. The carer’s role is often defined by values handed down through generations, reinforcing the idea that caring is not just a responsibility but an essential part of one’s identity.
However, these cultural ideals can also create significant challenges. The notion that the “perfect carer never complains or needs help” sets an unrealistic standard, making it difficult for carers to express their struggles or seek support. Weakness is discouraged, and the pressure to cope without showing strain is especially pronounced among men, who may feel compelled to “man up” and avoid displaying vulnerability.
Keeping Illness Within the Family
Another common theme is the tendency to keep issues of ill health, particularly mental illness, within the family or community. This approach is often seen as a way to protect the family’s reputation and maintain social cohesion. Religious and cultural beliefs may further reinforce the idea that problems should be addressed privately, sometimes through prayer or spiritual practices, rather than seeking external help.
While these traditions can provide comfort and a sense of solidarity, they can also lead to isolation and prevent carers from accessing the support they need. The fear of gossip, judgment, or being seen as failing in one’s duty can be overwhelming, especially when mental health is stigmatized or misunderstood within the community.
The Emotional Weight of Caring: Guilt and Shame
How Guilt Creeps In
Guilt is a pervasive emotion among carers, particularly when cultural norms dictate that they should be able to handle all challenges alone. The demands of caring often mean missing out on community events, family gatherings, or social obligations. Community leaders or members may notice these absences and interpret them as letting the community down, adding to the carer’s sense of guilt.
This guilt can manifest in several ways:
Resentment and Frustration: Carers may feel frustrated with themselves or the person they are caring for, leading to emotional strain and potential conflict.
Personal Guilt: The belief that needing a break or personal time is selfish can prevent carers from prioritizing their own well-being, even when burnout is imminent.
Fear of Judgment: In large families or communities, the expectation to manage alone can be overwhelming. Carers may worry about being judged or seen as failing in their role.
The Catch-22 of Self-Care
The need for personal time and self-care is undeniable, yet carers often feel trapped in a catch-22. Taking time for themselves is viewed as selfish, but neglecting their own needs can have detrimental effects on their mental and physical health. The pressure to uphold cultural ideals and avoid showing weakness makes it difficult to break this cycle.
In some communities, there may not even be a word for “carer”—it is simply assumed that family members will step in as needed. This lack of recognition further compounds the challenges, as carers struggle to articulate their needs or seek validation for their efforts.
The Impact of Shame and Stigma
Saving Face and Avoiding Help
Shame is closely linked to guilt, and both emotions can prevent carers from reaching out for help. The desire to “save face” is strong in many communities, where reputation and social standing are highly valued. Admitting to struggles or accepting support may be seen as a sign of weakness or failure, leading carers to reject offers of assistance from mental health services or outreach programs.
Internalized comments such as “this is your duty,” “you must put up a front,” or “we don’t put family in care” reinforce the belief that seeking help is unacceptable. The fear of gossip and misunderstanding is real, especially in communities where mental health is poorly understood or lacks a cultural vocabulary.
Religious and Cultural Barriers
Religious identity can also play a role in shaping attitudes toward mental health and caring. In some faith-based communities, there may be little space for open discussion about mental illness, and spiritual solutions may be favored over professional support. This can create additional barriers for carers, who may feel unsupported or misunderstood by both their community and the wider mental health system.
Systemic Challenges: Inequalities in Mental Health Care
The Patient Care Race Equality Framework (PCREF)
Recognizing the unique challenges faced by minority carers, NHS England has developed the Patient Care Race Equality Framework (PCREF). These set of policies aims to tackle inequalities in mental health care, particularly for ethnic minority groups. The framework emphasizes the importance of breaking down guilt and shame, promoting better outcomes for minority communities, and ensuring that carers’ voices are central to service design and decision-making.
However, systemic barriers persist. Minority carers may be reluctant to engage with mental health services due to fears of poor outcomes, discrimination, or further isolation. The double tragedy is that those who need support the most are often the least likely to receive it, as both community and systemic factors conspire to keep them from seeking help.
The Importance of Carers’ Voices
A key focus of the National Ethnic Mental Health Care Forum is to ensure that carers’ voices are heard and valued. Too often, the emphasis is placed solely on patients or those with lived experience, overlooking the vital role that families and carers play. Guilt and shame can stop carers from engaging with services, making it essential for mental health systems to recognize and address cultural barriers.
Breaking the Cycle: Towards Better Support and Outcomes
Engaging with Communities
To break the cycle of guilt and shame, it is crucial to engage directly with communities. This means attending religious and cultural gatherings, listening to minority carers and patients, and understanding the specific struggles they face. Education is key!! both for carers and for mental health professionals. Training staff to appreciate community values and avoid assumptions about disengaged carers can help foster trust and collaboration.
Creating Safe, Non-Judgmental Spaces
Safe spaces where carers feel invited and heard are essential. These settings should be non-judgmental and designed to encourage open dialogue. Just like my Ethnic carer forum. Co-production, where patients and carers are involved in designing and delivering services and can help ensure that support is tailored to the needs of diverse communities.
Promoting Positive Role Models
Just as I mentioned when I spoke at the North East London NHS PCREF event, I feel that Role models play a powerful role in challenging stigma and inspiring change. Mental health trusts and systems should promote positive examples of carers who have reached out for help and benefited from support. Sharing stories and experiences can help others see that seeking help is not a weakness, but a strength.
Self-Care as Strength
Promoting self-care as a strength, rather than a weakness, is vital. Carers need to recognize that it is okay to ask for help and take time for themselves. Engaging with community leaders and faith networks can help change attitudes and reduce stigma, using trusted voices to advocate for better understanding and support.
The Path Forward: Building Inclusive Mental Health Services
Co-Production and Service Design
Including carers in service design and decision-making is essential for building inclusive mental health services. By putting carers at the center of policy and practice, systems can better address the unique challenges they face and promote positive outcomes for all.
Education and Awareness
Ongoing education and awareness-raising are critical. Carers, communities, and professionals must work together to challenge stigma, promote understanding, and create environments where everyone feels supported.
The Power of Conversation
Ultimately, breaking the cycle of care guilt and shame requires open conversation and a willingness to learn from each other. By sharing experiences, listening to diverse voices, and fostering empathy, we can build stronger, more inclusive communities and mental health systems.
Conclusion
Care guilt and shame are complex, deeply rooted issues that affect unpaid carers across culturally tight-knit communities. The emotional weight of caring, compounded by cultural expectations and systemic barriers, can lead to isolation, burnout, and reluctance to seek help. Addressing these challenges requires a multifaceted approach engaging with communities, promoting positive role models, creating safe spaces, and ensuring carers’ voices are central to service design.
By working together to challenge stigma and promote understanding, we can support carers in their vital role and build mental health services that truly meet the needs of all. The journey is ongoing, but with awareness, education, and compassion, positive change is possible.
Caring for someone with mental illness? Check out our Ethnic carer forum. Dates shown below.
On this World Lung Cancer Day (1st of August), we spotlight not only the impact of lung cancer itself, but also theose behind the scenes the unpaid family members, friends, and carers who provide unwavering love, support, and strength.
In this 8-minute video, hosted by myself from A Caring Mind, I explore:
The profound emotional and physical toll of caring for someone with cancer
The critical need for early detection, expanded research funding, and global health equity
The indispensable role of families and unpaid carers—whose contributions often go unrecognized
I also introduce major organizations leading the lung cancer fight:
European Respiratory Society (ERS) – promoting lung health through education, early diagnosis, policy advocacy, and improved treatment pathways
Forum of International Respiratory Societies (FIRS) – uniting global respiratory health organizations to advocate for prevention, clean air, and equitable access to care
Lung Cancer Foundation of America (LCFA) – funding innovative lung cancer research and amplifying the voices of patients and survivors to raise awareness and reduce stigma
Lung Cancer Research Foundation (LCRF) – accelerating research, supporting affected individuals, and organizing global awareness initiatives like World Lung Cancer Day
In the video I remind that behind the tragic statistic of over 1.6 million annual deaths worldwide, are stories of resilience and compassion: nights spent advocating in hospitals, hands held during chemotherapy, and hope sustained in the darkest moments.
What You Can Do:
Share the video to raise awareness
Support carers through mental health resources and recognition
Advocate for policies that include carers in healthcare support systems
Approach lung cancer conversations with empathy—not stigma
Today, we honor not just the patients, but those who stand beside them—quietly, persistently, lovingly.
A Caring Mind 